You started a divorce, hired a great attorney that was recommended to you, and now costs are ballooning out of control. It’s been 9 months and it feels like you’re no closer to a divorce settlement than when you started. The reason you’re not done is likely for one of two reasons:
- Your spouse is being unreasonable.
- You are being unreasonable.
No, it’s not your attorney. Despite the wide range of talents in the legal field here in Utah, I feel confident in stating that they all are competent in the basic flow of divorce cases and can and want to get you to the finish line (or risk malpractice). Some attorneys are better at negotiation than others, but all of them are likely smart enough to identify a good deal and tell you to take it.
It’s either you or your spouse, and — spoiler — it’s probably you.
You Should Be More Reasonable
If your divorce has stalled, you need to ask yourself why. Take an honest look at everything you’re asking for. Are you trying to limit your spouse’s parent time to the bare minimum? Why would anyone agree to that? If that was possible it would have already happened. Are you fighting over that stupid piece of art that neither of you really looked at during your marriage? You’ve probably already spent more than the value of that item in attorney’s fees from stalling.
Let’s assume that the piece of art means something to you and that you watched it every waking moment! Let’s assume likewise that your spouse hates it and yet is quizzically refusing to budge unless he gets. Surely then you’re being reasonable?
Yes, I think you are. Get what you deserve and love, but then don’t be mad that your divorce is costing so much and taking so long. Take it to trial and pay up.
There’s Only One Way to Skin an Ex
If your ex is being, excuse my parlance, a total d-bag, then there’s really only one way forward. Go to trial. Tell your attorney you want to go to trial and then pay her the fees she needs to get there. If you have the resources, get discovery going. A stalling spouse is usually only motivated in one way, and that’s by pressuring their pocket book. If your current attorney isn’t getting there fast enough, hire a different attorney.
Are you Prepared to Pay the Cost?
If you’re not settling it’s either because you’re unreasonable or your soon-to-be ex is. But there’s always a sticking point that you’re not willing to budge on. If a divorce settlement is not working, how much is that painting worth to you? More than the cost of trial?
If so, pay the cost and get going. I can almost guarantee that if he hasn’t settled yet, the cost of going to trial will likely push him over the edge. Petty people cannot abide the assault on their pocketbooks. You’ll likely have an offer for a divorce settlement waiting for you.
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